Seedy Songs and Rotten Rhymes - the poetry of the playground

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Apples on a stick
Apples on a stick Makes me sick Makes my heart beat 2-46 Not because you'r dirty Not because you'r clean Not because you kissed a boy behind a magazine Boys Boys have alot of fun But More…
arsehole song
I agree with Meg's version - I learnt it in my London school aged about 14 - and it has a tune, which confirms the scansion. Bizarrely, since I thought it was a WWII song, it's from More…
Ass 'Ole
Ass hole, Ass hole, A Soldier I will be! To piss, To piss, Two Pistols on my knee! Fuck your Fuck your For curiosity! To fight for the cunt, To fight for the cunt, Tu fight for the country! More…
asshole / arsehole song
(ed: versions of this song seem to be the most popular of all the schoolyard rhymes - can't think why! Here we go tho... this'll take some time to go through!! Actually now I look at it More…
Asshole, asshole, a soldier I shall be To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee Fuck you, fuck you, fuck Eure-ocity Fight for the ol’ cunt, fight for the ol’ cunt, fight for the whole country
My nan used to sing this to me and my brother and Cousins. This was the version she sang. nb- "Eur-iocity" meaning Britain becoming part of the EU.
At a minute or two 'til two
Oh what to do to die today at a minute or two 'til two A thing distinctly hard to say yet harder still to do For they'll beat a tattoo at twenty to two With a rattatta tattatta More…
away to the woods
(ed: one of my favourite 'statement - response epics) s. Away to the woods! r. I'm too young. s. You're never too young. r. I'm only 13! s. This is no time to be superstitious. r. More…
baby (Your baby has gone down the plug'ole)
(ed: heard this in my childhood and it's stuck ever since. Brilliant stuff if very sad. No attribution however. Seems to be by 'anonymous'.) (It was written using Cockney dialect, and More…
Baby baby
(ed: sent in by Marianne who says it's a 'taunt') Baby baby stick your head in gravy, Wrap it up in bubble gum And send it to the navy.
Banana Split - Apple on a stick
(ed: Azizi sent this in an I felt it best to add it verbatim, although it could be slpit over a few pages.) Azizi writes: I've collected a lot of rhymes from children in the More…
banana splits
One Banana, Two Banana, Three Banana, Four, Four Banana Splits in the Second World War. One with a Tommy Gun, One with Stick, One with a Hand Grenade hanging from his ... Nah nah More…
bangers and mash
By definition 'bangers 'n' mash' is a dish made with cooked sausages served with boiled then mashed potatoes (not to be confused with Toad-In-The-Hole which is an entirely different dish More…
batman
Version 1: Na na na na na na na na Batman! Racing down the motorway, A lorry came the other way, Flatman! Version 2: Na na na na na na na na BATMAAAN Swingin' from an More…
batman
na na nana nana na na na na nana nana na na Batman took her to the movies na na nana nana na na na na nana nana na na Batman played with her little boobies na na nana nana na na na na nana More…
beans beans
BEANS BEANS GOOD FOR YOUR HEART THE MORE YOU EAT THE MORE YOU FART FART REAL HARD WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT AND LEAVE YOUR UNDERWEAR A BIG WIDE STRIPE
beans, beans
(ed: this is one of many songs about the 'benefits' of eating beans - any variations you recall will be much appreciated) Beans, beans, are good for your heart, They Make you strong More…
belches
(ed: apparantly sung to the the tune of the Welch's Grape Juice advert of which I know nothing) Oh take the time to taste your belches Bring it up and swallow slow Take the time to More…
belly belly
belly belly custard green snot pie mix it together with a dead dogs eye pour it on toast two inches thick and swollow it down with a nice cup of sick
bestiality's best
(ed: this odd offering is sung to the tune of "Tie Me Kangaroo Down":) Bestiality's best, boys, Bestiality's best.(shag a wallaby!) Bestiality's best,boys, Bestiality's best. More…
Betty Batter
Betty Batter had some butter, 'But,' she said, 'this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, It would make my batter bitter.'