Seedy Songs and Rotten Rhymes - the poetry of the playground

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jack and jill
Version 1: Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Don't know what they did up there ...but now they've got a daughter Version 2: Jack and Jill Went up the More…
jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water jack fell down and pulled down his fly and asked 'do u wanna?'jill said yes pulled up her dress and had little fun.jack and jill went up the hill and now they have a son.
they had a little fun
jack be nimble
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candle stick, Silly boy, should have jumped higher, Goodness gracious, great balls of fire (ed: Heather sent in this amended More…
Jack the Necrophiliac
Sung as a call-and-answer: My name is Jack (My name is Jack) I'm a necrophiliac (I'm a necrophiliac) I f*ck dead women (I f*ck dead women) And I fill them with my semen (And I More…
jack the necrophiliac
My name is Jack Der ner der ner der I'm a necrophiliac Der ner der ner der I get frustrated when they get cremated Der ner der ner der Because you can't shag dust
Jenny was a baker
Jenny wa a baker Living in Jamaica Had a tree-daughter One named Baker Drop out tha window Bloke her little finger - ooh Ribena! =circa 2004, UK (SE)
jesus christ superstar
Alternative words to the song which originated in the title number from Andrew Lloyd Webber's hit musical: Jesus Christ Superstar, Came down from heaven in a Yamaha. Did a skid, killed More…
Jim (An accident happened to my brother... )
(ed: heard this back in my childhood - still think it's funny) An accident happened to my brother Jim When somebody threw a tomato at him Tomatoes are juicy and don't break the skin More…
Jim (An accident happened to my brother... )
To market, to market with my brother Jim When somebody threw a tomato at him Tomatoes are soft and they don't bruise the skin But this one killed Jim, it was wrapped in a tin. Now Mary the More…
jingle bells
Version 1: Jingle Bells Batman smells Robin laid an egg Batmobile lost its wheel And the Joker got away Alternate ending: And the Joker took ballet Version 2: Jingle More…
Johhny was a wanker
(ed: yet another attempt at word play along the familiar lines) Johhny was a wanker, sitting on the grass A wasp came down and stung him on the... Ask no questions tell no lies I More…
Johnsons Wax advert
(ed: I remember this sung by 'The Beverley Sisters' to the tune 'Pretty Baby'. They don't make adverts like them any more) Johnsons are the polishes for furniture and floors, Cleans More…
joy to the world
Version 1: Joy to the world The teacher's dead I barbecued her head And what about the body I flushed it down the potty And round and round it goes And round and round it goes More…