Lyrics to more rude old schoolyard songs involving a familiar play on words:

Rule Brittania
Three monkeys on a stick
One fell off and paralised his
Dick was a sailor
His Christian-name was Jim
His mother took kim to the pool
To see if he could swim
He sank to the bottom
He rose to the top
His mother got excited
And pulled him by the
Cock-tail shandy
7p a glass
If you don't like it
Shove it up your
Ask no questions
Tell no lies
I saw a policeman
Pulling up his
Flies are a nuisance
Bees are worse
I saw a doctor
Getting on a
Nurse my baby
Nurse it well
This is the end of my story
And all I have to tell.

(ed: This was another version sent in - you can decide which is better, or send in your own version if you remember one!:)

My old man's a dust-man
'E wears a dust-man's 'at
'E took me 'round the corner,
To watch a football match
Fatty passed to Skinny
Skinny passed it back
Fatty took a rotten shot
And hit the Goalie flat.

Where was the Goalie when the ball was in the net?
Half way up the post with his balls around his neck.
On came the stretcher
On came the bed
They wrapped his bum in Pedigree Chum
And this is what he said...
Rule Britannia
Three monkeys up a stick
One fell down and paralysed his
Dick was a watchdog sitting on the grass
Along came a bumble-bee and stung him on the
Ask no questions, tell no lies
I saw a Policeman doing up his
Flies are a nuisance
Wasps are worse
This is the end of my silly little verse!
You all smell! Bad!