Hymns and Arias (well ok - Dirty Ditties, Rugby Songs and Chants)

to main page
A B C D E F G H I J L M N O P R S T U V W Y

The sexual life of the camel

(ed: three versions so far. )

(There's the original)

The Sexual life of the camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks.
This weird and mysterious animal,
Har designs on the hole of the sphinx.
But the hole of the sphinx is covered,
By the shifting sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the face of the camel
And the sphinx's inscrutable smile.

(Then there's this version...)

The sexual life of the camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season,
He tries to bugger the Sphinx,
But the Sphinx's posterior orifice,
Is filled with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

(... or there's the American version)

(And sung to the "Eton Boating Song")

The sexual life of the camel,
Is stranger than anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season,
It tries to bugger the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior orifice,
Is blocked by the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

Chorus*
Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, titty-bum.
Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, aye.
Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, titty-bum.
Singing: bum-titty-titty, bum-titty-titty, aye.

The sexual life of the ostrich, is hard to understand,
At the height of the mating season,
It buries its head in the sand.
And if another ostrich finds it,
Standing there with its ass in the air,
Does it have the urge to grind,
Or doesn't it bloody-well care?

Chorus*

In the process of civilization,
From anthropoid ape down to man,
It is generally held that the navy,
Has buggered whatever it can.
Yet recent extensive researches,
By Darwin and Huxley and Hall,
Have conclusively proven that the hedgehog,
Cannot be buggered at all.

Chorus*

We therefore believe our conclusion,
Is incontrovertibly shown,
That comparative safety on shipboard,
Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone,
Why haven't they done it a Spithead,
As they have at Harvard and Yale,
And also at Oxford and Cambridge,
By shaving the spines off the tail?

(and an additional verse from Paul)

The sexual life of the bullfrog
Is hard to comprehend.
At the height of the mating season
He tries to bugger his friend.
But his friend's posterior orifice
Is clogged up with mud and with slime,
Which accounts for the eyes of the bullfrog,
And why he goes "bleargh" all the time.